Seattle born writer Claire Dederer gives us a raw, clever memoir growing up in the hip grungy city.
I'll start with what I can identify with, the first of which is letters. You know, going to the basement, rummaging through boxes looking for that girl you were. Finding those old letters, and pouring through them, looking for clues, something to make sense of how you became who you are now. Letters were the stuff of life. At mid life, it's about yearning to be young.
I had diaries, later "journals", and know the feeling looking back: "All I write about is boys, boys, BOYS." Yep. That was the 80's.
Dederer explains why she's so preoccupied with the man she kissed (not her husband). She describes obsession, and how obsessing over a man is more about her than him. I can appreciate her admitting it's not a case of "I love you", but "Love me."
Finally, someone writing about the physical indignity of aging, not spouting unhelpful platitudes like grow old gracefully, and embrace your aging body. Dederer tells us don't gain weight past 42. (More like 35, truth be told.)
Ask Facebook, called the oracle, and you shall receive answers. The need for people to open up and try to sound witty provided her with everyday answers to her question What don't you want to think about? in The, You know, Encroaching darkness chapter.
I liked her approach in the Roman Polanski letters. She tried to see it from his point of view, not an easy task. Because most 13 year olds aren't sexual, she wanted to understand how he thought, what he saw. We learn more about Dederer's teen years, and why she thought so much about him and Samantha Gailey.
Dederer is best with her descriptions. Everything is described in such a natural, simple way that takes you right there. She details what her best movie kiss by Helena Bonham Carter and Julian Sands (Lucy & George) in Room with a View meant to her. That kiss is revolutionary, what she's been looking for, and is an agent of change, she explains. For me, that kiss was Matthew Modine and Linda Fiorentino in Vision Quest / Madonna Crazy for You video. Remember?
Now, with what I can't relate to.
All. That. Crying. How so many of her friends can cry so easily baffled me. I thought at the beginning of the book I wouldn't be able to get through it if there was going to be this continual sniffling fest. What was there to cry so much about? Is it all the rain? The grayness? The surroundings weren't described as beautiful, and climate can have an impact on our emotions. What got me though, was her adoring husband who is still passionate about her, and the (seemingly) happy marriage, yet not being satisfied. So much sadness. It wasn't until the fourth chapter when she started to detail all her real woman's issues that I began to understand Claire Dederer.
I would have liked to hear about the nude modeling. She dropped it on us to peak our curiosity, but then left it, and I was unsatisfied.
Also I really hoped she left the Quark Basher's place with the Christmas newspaper cutouts on the wall, and didn't clean up the broken window & syringes.
Those of us in "mid life" can find a sometimes fun, sometimes not so fun trip down memory lane in Love and Trouble.
I received Love and Trouble in a GoodReads giveaway.
Until next time,